January Issue - Ask Asteris

by Philomene Asteris

"I'm a Death Knight. Because I'm a Death Knight, sometimes my skin starts to peel or ooze with rot. Disgusting, I know, but here's my real dilemma: My fine dresses are getting stained and I don't know how to explain the embarrassing splotches or get them cleaned. My wife has tried vinegar and once almost lit the dress on fire in frustration! How can I explain the odd blackish spot on my dress without being.. offensively gross? I like the lighter colors. Black is overused and out of date. Also, do you have any recommendations for Horde-friendly seamstresses? I often find myself jealous of Alliance fashions. - Deathly Disappointed"


Dear Deathly ,

I believe the answer to your first question would be in the cunning use of layering and prints. Just please do not wear plaid -- you will look like one of those annoying gnomish reclining chairs that nobody of a normal height can use and always have far too many buttons on the sides -- although since you seem interested in fashion I am certain I do not have to remind you of this. To explain any oddities or blotches, consider taking up inscription or tinkering as a hobby. Anything on your clothing could then be explained away as ink or grease stains. Better folks think you a bit clumsy in the workshop than speculate on whether you're going to ooze on them at an inopportune moment, yes?

As to the final question, your salvation can be found in Gadgetzan. Whilst goblins must always be haggled down, their keen business insight keeps them on the forefront of the fashion world and I expect you shall find the patterns of your dreams in Tanaris.

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"So I'm a father of two children, and all their lives I've been faking my death in the hopes of somehow tracking down their depraved, traitorous mother so that I could avenge all the deaths she's caused. But now, my kids have grown, and my oldest has already discovered his mother's evil ways and gone to confront her! I have no doubt he will fail, and very much needs my help to defeat his witch of a mother. Trouble is, my kids and most of the populace think I'm dead... should I just come out and tell him what I've been doing all these years? I'm concerned they won't be able to accept me, and I certainly don't expect them to forgive a man who has spent their entire childhoods out hunting down a traitor. What advice do you have for me in regards to reconciling and reuniting with my children? -Estranged in Exile"


Dear Strange,

You say you are a father of two children. Sounds to me as if you can claim only to have possessed the seed, as you certainly don't seem to possess the spine to call yourself a father. Harsh words, I know, but they're likely the words your children would say. So start thinking that over now if you do plan on seeking reconciliation.

If you've been trying to avenge yourself on this woman for so long that the children in question are now grown, seems to me that you are good at hiding and poor at revenge, and that perhaps your oldest might have a better shot at it than you recognize.

My advice in regards to reconciling and reuniting with your children is this: Don't. They have made their own lives without you. They probably don't need the 'help' of a man whose priorities are so skewed that instead of simply hiring an assassin he spent the majority of their existence running around like a daft thing trying to be sneaky. Who does it benefit to push in on them now? You. It's as selfish as abandoning in the first place.

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"I've conquered the Prince in Karazhan. Defeated a slobbering monstrosity called Gruul. Was completely prepared for Kil'jaeden. Did some fiery dancin' with some dragon and her little boyfriends. Squashed some really big spiders. Travelled back in time to watch one human make a horrible mistake. Finally told Jaina she really should lose some weight. Adopted two children. Married a Knight-Lord of the Blood Knights. Oh.. and um something else, what was it? Oh, set Arthas Menethil, AKA the Lich King on fire. Retired life is a little bit boring. So, uh, what now? I'm a very young, beautiful Sin'dorei who likes to burn things. Any suggestions? - Firestarter"


Dear Firestarter,

I hear there are many books in Silvermoon City but I do not believe it would be a stretch -- judging from the contents of your letter -- to assume that exactly zero of them cover 'how not to be an intolerable braggart'. If retired life is, as you say, boring you, then perhaps you could travel the world in search of humility. It would be the quest that never ended, the (likely) impossible goal, which in my opinion is the perfect thing for a woman of your (very obviously stated) qualifications. And on the way I am sure you would meet many interesting people to set on fire. Or who would like to set you on fire. Either way, it's sure to be interesting!

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"Now that all my gifts have been opened I've realized nobody knows how to shop for me! I mean, why would I want four baskets of fruit and not one, but two tickbird hatchlings? How do I get people to buy me better things, like rocket boots or a tour of the Thousand Needles? The things I've been getting are scarcely better than nothing! - Unwrapped and Unimpressed"


Dear Ungrateful,

I would like you to visit Shattrath. Namely, the Orphanage. I would like you to bring your basket of fruit and your tickbird hatchlings with you. Once you are there, attempt to distribute these items without the calming influence of one of the Matrons. Continue reading when you are finished.

Now, did you get absolutely mobbed, and possibly kicked in the knees? This is not because these children do not like you. It is because they value these things so very highly that they would resort to violence to obtain them. Because not only do they lack these simple things, fresh fruit and a pet bird, but they also lack anyone who cares enough to give it to them.

That is the only answer I have for you. Sort that out at your leisure.

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"I've fallen for a younger woman, but she seems totally unaware of my advances. How do I make her mine? - A TOTAL WITCH"


Dear Witchy Woman,

I suppose it would not be an Ask Asteris column without a daffy romantical query. Since they seem to be popular I shall answer yours.

Get her attention. Find out in what circles she moves, what she likes, what she needs. Then give it to her. Perhaps she will fall into your arms our bed out of sheer gratitude, if not actual desire. I am guessing from your signature that you are adept in some sort of magical art.

Please do not stoop to attempting compulsion or one of those love spells that can be found for sale in the back of the Kirin Tor Monthly. Not only am I honor-bound to discourage anyone from reading a rival publication, but it's a bit of a rag and those mages with the back-page ads only want your gold. They're the same ones who drive portal prices up, after all.

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"I've been meaning to write you for some time, but have been rather busy of late. I run a wine shop in Stormwind, and have recently taken a Draenic woman on as help. She is a fine worker but seems very serious, and I am always walking on eggshells around her for fear that I will do something to offend her "alien" sensibilities. I must confess that even after all these years of the Draenei living among us, I still know next to nothing about Draenic culture, and have a fear of creating an awkward situation with this woman by asking my questions outright. Have you any advice or resources I might find useful?"

Dear Draenically Challenged,

If your employee is as fine a worker as you say she is, perhaps it is time for a vacation. Book a cabin on a ship bound for Azuremyst and take a voyage to the Exodar. You will likely find it a very uplifting and enlightening experience. They even have guided tours of the Vault of Lights!

Upon your return you can speak to her about your trip and then phrase any questions you have about Draenic culture or manners as simple curiosity and a desire to learn more. I believe you will find your employee to not only be grateful, but happy to enlighten you further. Your absence will also serve the purpose of demonstrating your faith in her as an employee, and perhaps further strengthen your working relationship.

January Issue - Home and Hearth

By Cyda Gwae'nóna

In a time where it is considered easier to make your way to an Alchemists Lab, or the nearest Cathedral or Temple to cure an illness, often the simplest tried and true methods of tending common ailments have been all but forgotten. In this and the following articles I will be writing to share with those who would lend an ear, or at least wish to save a little gold, how to use the most common treatments with the highest efficiency and best outcomes. Today, I will write of one of the most familiar herbs one encounters on an everyday basis: Earthroot.


Second only to Peacebloom in how widely used and known the herb is, Earthroot is found outside most capital cities. Where Peacebloom grows in open fields, and Silverleaf grows nearest to trees, Earthroot will flourish best on cliffsides and in rocky soil and in areas with less then six hours of full sunlight. The plant is a knotted, thick, beige underground stem, of which roughly twelve inches grows above the ground in a loop and curled manner. The above ground half of the plant is narrow and ribbed, without leaf or flower. The apperance of this plant is what gives it it's name: 'Earth Root'. This small herb is rather a 'one trick pony' when used on its own, as all it tends to do is heal upset stomachs- though, when coupled with other herbs, such as Kingsblood, Mageroyal, Silverleaf or Peacebloom- the results can be...staggering. Such ventures, however, are best for learned Alchemists to dabble in, rather then the common housewife.


The forms in which Earthroot Products are found in most commonly are made from fresh or dried roots, or from steam distilled of the oil from the root. Making this available in extracts, powders, tinctures and of course, oils. The usages are as follows: For Motion SIckness, a spoonfull of powdered root in ones tea (Or sprinkled over ones meal if they are not a tea-drinker), will ease ones symptoms, be they from flying or traveling over sea. For pregnancy related Nausea and Vomiting, one should take about half of a spoonfull of the oil: A warning though, this will only eleviate some of the illness, but anymore then the perscribed doseage can pausibly harm the child within ones womb. Finally, sprinkling a dramfull of the oil distilled from the root into a bowl of steaming water, so that the scent fills the air and the lungs of those within a room, is a marvelous way in which to help hold back the nausia of many, should one find themselves in a housefull of those who are ill.


In closing, while Earthroot is not a versatile plant, it is the most sure manner of which to relieve upset stomachs, be it from pregnancy, motionsickness, or whatever else it is that makes one quesy. And, while it is relatively easy to harvest and prepare, however, I feel the need to remind that even healing herbs can turn poisonous if not prepared correctly and so, I would suggest visiting your local apothecary to pick up one of the many books available to the public, or ask for some instruction on the particulars.

January Issue - Hound About Town

with Honeysuckle Rose Loving

I'm sure you got used to the last writer who did your “around town” article, but here at the Enquirer we've undergone a few shifts in staff. So Miss Jinxelle has asked that I introduce myself. My name is Honeysuckle Rose Loving, and I am a worgen. I only add the last part because folks seem to be a little surprised by it still. Don't worry, I've had all my recent shots! I'll be handling your events column for the coming year, I hope you enjoy!

It's been awhile since our last issue so there are lots of things to catch up on this month.

On November 26^th, just a few days after Deathwing's assault on Stormwind, the Dragonsworn Council arrived in the city with much needed relief and supplies. Among items being handed out were: potions, magical jewelry, bags, bombs, armor and more!

These kind individuals did not stop at what was useful. They also gave out what they called “morale boosters” which were things like mechanical pets and steam tonks. Good thinking! People need to smile and laugh even in the rough times. Anyone that could beat the Dragonsworn's Matron at tonk battling was given a hefty reward in gold coins.

Members of the Retribution of Arathor were reported to be seen lending a hand in the charity and it's rumored a mage named Siku may have been gifting random adventures with gold as well.

As a last hoorah, fireworks were set off to boost spirits.

The Dragonsworn Council has asked that we give thanks on their behalf to the following people who donated items or helped to hand them out: Alyiah, Exziber, "Frosty", Hildwyn, Lexix, Ruby, Tabasa, Siku, Steelshatter, and Wayhelm. They would also like to extend a thank you to Maverone and Eon for being able to shout loudly!

On December 30^th the folks of ZeGuild held a Pre-New Year's Eve Fireworks Display in Stormwind's Vally of Heroes. I was on hand to witness myself folks and tell you what, it was impressive! Guests from the horde were even present.

The display began just after ten in the evening, with a speech by Teshimine. He's the bloke that put it all together.

“Greetings people of the alliance, Brothers and sisters of the horde. Welcome to our gathering. As we enter into another New Year,we should look back on the past years and look on our accomplishments, as well as those of our Rivals, the mighty Horde. Yes, they are indeed mighty, only a fool would be ignorant of them and their formidable leaders. Without our combined might, we would have fallen to the forces of the Burning Legion, or that of the Scourge. Granted, we have come out of many dire situations alive, but we definitely have NOT come out unscathed. We have had to pay a heavy price, and so has our beloved home, Azeroth. Right now we face what is by far the greatest threat that we have ever faced. The Destroyer, Deathwing, wishes to annihilate all that we hold dear and reforge Azeroth in flame. We shall send a message back to him. We shall show him that we will NOT roll over and die quietly, we will NOT let this world that we and the people before us have worked so hard to cultivate come to an end. We will defend our homes, our families and our friends to our dying breath.

NOW, RAISE YOUR VOICES WITH ME, PEOPLE OF THE ALLIANCE, SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF THE HORDE! LET US SHOW DEATHWING THAT WE DO NOT FEAR HIM, AND THAT WE WILL MAKE HIM PAY FOR THE DESTRUCTION HE HAS BROUGHT TO OUR LAND! FOR THE ALLIANCE! LOK'TAR OGAR! Let the fireworks display begin! COMMENCE FIRING!”

Rousing to be sure. The fireworks continued long into the night. A grand way to open the New Year! We here at the Enquirer thank you sir!

On January 3^rd at six o'clock the Wyvern's Tail opened in Orgrimmar under slightly new management. Our Editor in Chief scoped it out to get us the details! It seems one Gorkor Wolfscorn is teaming up with the local bartender Gravey to bring folks more brew than they know what to do with! He's hoping to serve his specialty brews every other week at the Wyvern's Tail and has a few goals in mind. In his own words, “Well, I'd like to get a brewmaster coalition going and mix up the days, maybe even exchange recipes and brew.”

The service was friendly if not the fastest in town. The atmosphere was great, and our staff was given some free drinks on the house to sample. They suggest trying the Blood Red Ale if you venture in, one of Gorkor's specialties that is stronger than it appears!

We advise you steer clear of the Embalming Fluid though, folks! That stuff belongs in the veins of the Forsaken, not the bellies of the sane. It comes with a warning label: Neither Gorkor nor his associates are responsible for any damage Embalming Fluid might do to your kidneys, nor cases of death. Regardless one Hal Brainbuckle decided to give it a go. He was last seen being resuscitated with jumper cables at the bar. We have been informed he survived but was suffering slight memory trouble.

As for upcoming events this month, be sure to head on over to Thelsamar around eight o'clock on Saturday evenings for the Wyrmhearth Tavern. They make amazing hot wings!

The Wayward Son is currently in flux, with the Park having been destroyed and all, but we'll let you know as soon as the Retribution makes a move. Rumor has it they may reopen the Son in Hearthglen, but so far it's only speculation.

There'll be a new tavern opening in Iron Forge this weekend in what was once Bruuk's Corner. The Hair of the Dog is operated by Lafayette Arrant and Loretta Beauchamp. They're pushing a quieter atmosphere with an array of specialty mixed drinks as well as their own brews. Come on by for Grand Opening on Sunday the 9^th at seven o'clock! Everything is on the house and there is to be live entertainment.

And on a final note, the return of the Bardic Circle will be January 14th! That's next Friday folks. The Bardic Circle takes place at Beggar's Haunt in Duskwood. Time and further details will be released by Ruby Astherion.


Until next month this is your Hound About Town, signing off!

January Issue - Dragons: Friend or Foe

By Matron Ruby Astherion of the Dragonsworn Council and Wyrmhearth Tavern

(with the editing help of Rhune Astherion of the Kirin Tor)

Disaster has struck across the world and in it’s aftermath a troubling trend has begun to develop: an irrational distrust and hatred of dragons. In light of recent events this is perhaps somewhat understandable but let us not allow hysteria to chase off logic. Let us not allow emotion to fog reason.

I ask of you all… was not the Lich King once human? Was Illidan not once a night elf? Do we judge humans and elves by their actions? Of course not, instead we observe the actions of the race as a whole. And have not the humans and night elves as a collective done more good than harm? I would say the answer is indeed so.

Much about dragons have come to light after the Nexus War. We understand them so much better now than we once did. They have watched over and protected us for thousands of years… since before recorded history. In that time rarely has any dragon sought power for itself. Instead the Dragon Flights were content to watch and protect the world around us from dangers we did not see and could not imagine.

One might even argue that few races are as selfless as the dragons.

Malygos went too far yes, but only in response to a great breach of sense by the Blood Elves. The Nexus War was a true tragedy with each life taken on both sides a true loss for Azeroth and it’s future safety. Remembering what happened there on the fields of Dragonblight and Coldara still make me weep late at night.

However in the end it was the Dragon-Queen Alexstrasza who saved us all. Let us not forget that.

What Deathwing has done and is doing is inexcusable… but is it right to blame all dragons? Who helps to defend the slopes of Mount Hyjal I ask you? Who gathers to assault the Twilight Highlands? The Green and Red Dragon Flights rally to our side already.

And let us not forget who it was that brought relief supplies to Stormwind in the immediate aftermath… the Dragonsworn Council on behalf of the Wyrmrest Accord.

The draconic heart breaks at the pain the world is feeling just as much as any mortals. Our dragon friends weep and rage just as we do.

They will be at our side… protecting us… as they have always done.

You can count on it.

January Issue - Letters to the Editor

A message from the Editor:

Seems not many of you wrote to us regarding our last issue. I'm sure you have good excuses, what with the terrors wreaking havoc over the world. However, we did get a lot of letters for a “Great Father Winter” this past month. So we have decided to share those with you after the few “regulars” we've got in. Enjoy! We hope you had a safe and happy holiday!

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RE: Around Town – November Issue

I am the Geist from the Hallow's Eve party, Scheen Waters! The one who told the most terrifying story that, sadly, did not win. I will also say that a Hallow's Eve party is no place for a baby, especially with the horrifying stories being thrown around. Kids gonna have nightmares about geists and shipwrecks for years. Or maybe just Philomere after that stunt I pulled earlier in the night. Plus the kid screamed right in the middle of my story, too! Everyone was on edge from the story and then that! Wouldn't be surprised if a few people had to go home with brown pants, that day

- Scheen Waters, Actress

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Re: November Whispers and Rumors

There were several misleading rumors concerning the Wyrmhearth Tavern printed in last month's Azerothian Enquirer. The Wyrmhearth is a classy establishment let me tell you! Why even the loa of DEATH had endorsed our Hot Dragon Wings. And if that isn't a high profile recommendation I don't know who is!

I would also like to state for the record that our Hot Dragon Wings are not made of patrons that have died on our front doorstep. Indeed they're made of... well I can't tell you that. But it's NOT dead people!

You have my oath on that.

-Ruby Astherion, Matron of the Wyrmhearth Tavern

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RE: The Other Side of the Coin – November Issue

Why should we care what the cultists intentions were. They were and are an infestation of vermin that need to be eradicated.

- Trent Cooper, Stormwind

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I want for wentr vale is a pangin frum nurthrand whith a mom and a dad.

Noah

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Dear Father Winter,

My birthday is in a few days. I want to give you my wish list but I am afraid I will get one of my wishes for my birthday. If I do get one of my wishes before Winters Veil please give my present to a child who doesn't have as much as I do.

Kalina

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Dear Father Winter,

I've been good! I want an island in the middle of nowhere so I can run away! (One that the goblins haven't made blow up please.)

Rebecca

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Dear Father Winter,

How are you and Mrs. Winter. There is a Mrs. Winter right? Someone has to cook lots for you so you stay fat. Please say hi to all of the reindeer for me and give them carrots. I have been a good girl will you please bring me horses to play with. I will leave you out your milk and cookies in our house.

Love You,

Dakota

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Dear Father Winter,

Hi Im Deaven. I would like to know are you real I belive...but my Friends don't So can you give me a sighed picture of you and Ms. Winter or something else. Please Please send back a bell from your sled / and your picture ohh besides are you relly fat!! or do you diet. Please right me a letter back answer all the requests above.

Deaven

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Dear Father Winter,

When I'm in bed I want you to bring me a princess costume. I want 1 more thing, but I don't know what. So I'll think about it and tell you later (when I see you!) I'm trying to be good. But it's a long time til Winters Veil and I can't wait.

Xoxoxo,

Sabrina

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Dear Father Winter,

Its Claire again, but I'm writing for my 9 yeared old brother named Mitch. He wants roller skates (I want roller skates too) and a toy gun (but dont give the toy gun to him).

Mitch is very kind-hearted, but has a bad temper. He also writes messy and doesnt like to read.

Bye,

Mitch

P.S. That is not his signature

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Dear Father Winter,

I think that I had been good enough this year and that I deserve a present. As my parents can not afford to buy me that doll I want I decided to ask you. She is a pretty porcelain doll with a lacy dress. I would be really happy to get it, so I ask you to bring it to me if you can. Please. I know that it is maybe expensive, but you are Father Winter. I would like to have the blue one and the white one, but since I think I will not get both of them, I will be satisfied with one. Please bring the shoes for the doll. I really want that doll and once again please bring it to me for a new year!

Milica

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Dear Father Winter,

Happy Winters Veil! Are the reindeer being good? Are you losing weight from the diet? Thank you for writing me a letter! I wish you could bring my dog a present. He really likes bones! I will be asleep on Winters Veil.

Love,

Colton

P.S. If the fireplace is burning, please be careful!

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Dear Father Winter and Mrs. Winter,

I'm really sorry my letter couldn't get to you in time. I could have mailed it if Mom had rememebered. I'm really sorry. I got most of the things I wanted for Winters Veil! I'm really glad you came. I hope you enjoyed your cake and your milk. If you can write back soon, I'd love it! Say hi to Mrs. Winter for me!

Love,

Addie

P.S. Say hi to the reindeer for me!

P.S.S. I still believe in you and always will.

P.S.S.S. Do you have any pets?

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Father Winter,

I want anything. Im fine with anything you bring. Im a good girl.

From

Olivia

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Dear Father Winter,

The most speacial thing I want is my dog, Gorgie. She's 14 years old. Please turn her back into a puppy so that she could be with me forever.

Samuel

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Dear Father Winter,

Hi Father Winter, my name is Jessica. I am 8 years old. I live with my mom and my grandma. Father Winter, I am writing to you to see if you could help us. My father left us since I was 2 months old because he was with another woman and he hurt my mom a lot. My mom only works to pay rent and she can't buy me toys or clothes. Father Winter, I am sad because I am not going to have any Winters Veil presents and that I live in a basement. I appreciate anything you send me because I just want a present. Please do anything you can to help us. I will always love you. Light bless you always, and can you please give my mom something too? Thank you. You are so nice and loveable. And a jacket for my grandma.

Sinceraly,

Jessica

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Dear Father Winter,

My name is Jack. I'm 9 yeas old. I had been a good this year I am the best student in my class and I am good son. I listen to my mom and dad they don't have money for buying for this Winter's Veil. I would like a pair of shoes. I hope I will receive this Winters Veil. Thank you.

Yours truly,

Jack

P.S. I live in Stormwind

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Dear Father Winter,

this is really important! Please help my Aunt Gloria. Her mommy just died. Now she won't put any Winters Veil decorations up. She used to put up tons. She is really depressed. Please contace her if you can and tell her I love both of them.

Alice

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Dear Father Winter,

My dad, he was in Northrend to long. He was not here last Winters Veil, but he is for this year. I love my daddy. I don't need anything else, thank you!

Love,

Sarah

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Dear Father Winter,

Susy at school said you do not exist. I know you do. I am 7 years old and I still believe. She asked me how you could get all around Azeroth in just one night. I asked her if she understood what quantum entanglement is.

Jonny

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January Issue - Ads

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Help Wanted!

Position: Tutor
Pay: Negotiable
Description: Lecture and demonstrate the complex and often times misunderstood courtship rituals of the Night Elf culture to human female seeking to establish closer relationship with Night Elf male.
Qualifications: Intimate knowledge of Night Elf culture, anatomy, and courtship. Must also be well versed in the practice of 'fly fishing.' Ideal candidate is a real 'go getter', able to work late nights, and with little to no fear of death, public humiliation, or awkward silences.

Contact Bureau of Intercultural Relations, Stormwind, with qualifications or for further information.

Ad submitted by Auruleus Shadolon.

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Seeking: Declan Imports Ltd. is searching for a public face. Extensive travel will be required; for details regarding compensation and job requirements, write Mairnalagh Besson c/o Stormwind City Post.

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In these uncertain times, when the earth shakes and elementals rampage over the land, cultists preaching the end of the world make false promises of an easy escape from pain and suffering for a populace weary of war.

Well, take heart, men and women of the Alliance! Sword and Board has the very best solution to your fears: STEEL! That's right, citizens, became part of the next wave of heroes defending our kingdoms, and TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE ENEMY! Follow the path of Anduin Lothar, Danath Trollbane, Alleria Windrunner, Falstad Wildhammer, and countless other heroes whose courage, dedication and love for their people turned back the tide in our very darkest hours!

Sword and Board stocks the finest-quality weapons and armor, all at very reasonable prices! We carry a wide array of armor and weapons for all walks of life. Whether your taste in armor is cloth, leather, or steel, Sword and Board always has the perfect fit! Our weapons have all been field-tested, and exceed the demands of even the most experienced soldier! Our Grandmaster Blacksmith, Coehen Nash, crafts beautiful and deadly steel that's the pride of many a stout-hearted adventurer and scores of dedicated family-men and women alike.

Custom work? No problem! Our helpful, dedicated staff can easily take care of your needs. We guarantee our work, or your money back!

Contact Coehen Nash via post for a free product catalogue, or stop by our shop for a free consultation with our helpful staff! We are located in the Canals near the Dwarven District of Stormwind, within shouting distance of King Wrynn's castle. Stop in today: you won't be disappointed!

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Hey! Did you hear about free personal ads this February? If you're looking for love or just looking to get lucky send us your ad and a picture! If you get it to us before the end of January we'll run it in the February issue....FREE!

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Interested in advertising with us? Give it a go! Sell a shirt, talk up a guild, or find a date! No limit but your checkbook!

- Personal Ads - 5g

- Crafting Ads - 10g

- Guild Ads - 20g


((Ads should be submitted to: azerothianenquirer@gmail.com Payment may be submitted in game to Jinxelle (H) or Fiammeta (A). ))

December - Announcment!

November Issue - Breaking News!

Numerous citizens gone missing! Some are rumored to have joined the Twilight’s Hammer Cult. Others likely slain by rampaging elementals!

A dragon was spotted attacking Orgrimmar just this past month as well!

Our streets are not safe!

November Issue - Urgent Alert: World Being Shaken to Pieces!

A day has not passed within the past week without the occurrence of at least a dozen earth quakes! It seems as if our world is being shaken to its knees! What is the cause of this sudden surge in shaking? No one seems to know, and if they do they aren’t sharing it with the public.

The leaders of the Alliance have converged in Stormwind for discussions. Even the Wildhammer have come away from their peaks to make an appearance.

As for the Horde. Let me tell you, it’s troubling news indeed! It seems that the Warchief Thrall is going to be returning to Draenor in hopes the troubled elementals there will be able to offer advice or wisdom. This leaves young Hellscream in charge. He’s got some advisors but, really? Inside information leads us to believe this news has left the Alliance restless. Will Proudmoore’s treaties hold under yet more strain?

Cultists plague the cities and major roads, preaching the end of the world and it would seem city guards are unable to silence them fast enough. Unrest continues. Be aware and invest in unbreakables and helmets, dear readers!

November Issue - The Other Side of the Coin

Cultists claim: We just want to help!

“You've no doubt heard the phrase "all good things must come to an end" and so it is with your life on Azeroth. It won't be long before the world erupts into chaos as the elements reclaim their birthright.

But you don't have to be afraid during these harrowing times. You don't have to die. We can help you ascend to a new way of life, beyond death, beyond fear, and beyond the powerlessness of mortality.”

“We live in tumultuous times. War, invasion, and famine have swept the world, but the real trial is yet to come: the end of Azeroth itself.

How will you cope with the loss and destruction of everything you hold dear? The answer is that you don't have to. Bring your friends and family to one of our gatherings and learn how you can survive the apocalypse together, with us.”

“When the flames consume Azeroth, where will you be?

We know that no one wants to dwell on their impending doom, but it's worth thinking about where you'll be spending the hereafter.

Our sages have predicted that the end of the world is nigh, and only the prepared will survive. We can help you survive the raging inferno that will cleanse this world of the wicked. Isn't it time you found some peace of mind?”

November Issue - Getting Down to Nuts and Bolts: Engineering Made Fun and Easy

By Mekgineer Davvi Dolittle

Hello everyone! How are you? I hope you're doing well! If you're reading this article, then, you must have an interest in building all sorts of super neat machines and gadgets to make the lives of you, your friends and family much easier and more fun! Unless, you don't like engineering and are reading it by mistake. Either way, welcome! We hope you like what you read! I'm excited!

Training: How to get started learning all sorts of neat things!

In my first two articles, I wanted to talk, just a little bit, about all the different kinds of tools that an engineer needs to have in order to work, and, how every engineer from someone just starting out right on up to a grand master tinkerer needs to be very very aware of safety in the laboratory or workshop. However, now that we've talked about those two super important topics, I am super happy that I can talk to you this month about how new engineers can begin to train themselves, and learn the necessary skills and schematics to start building all the amazing and wonderful inventions to make life more fun and work less hard! I think that you'll see, that in our modern world, there are all SORTS of things you can learn, and, without too much fuss either!

Picking up the Basics:

Now, I know that a lot of people reading this article are thinking, “Davvi! I don't know ANYTHING about engineering but, it looks super fun and interesting! How do I get started?” I would say back, if I could hear your thoughts, that I am happy to tell you that getting started in engineering is actually pretty easy! Back in Gnomeregan, the basics of engineering were taught in the public school system along with things like mathematics, Common, Dwarvish and phys-ed. To my knowledge, none of the other Alliance races do this sort of thing though, and instead have a system of apprenticeship or, sometimes, private trainers, where a more experienced mekgineer will let newcomers be their helpers, or will teach lessons for a fee. Luckily, most every major city it seems, has at least a few skilled engineers who are willing to help, and generally speaking, as long as you are nice and polite when you ask, a city guards or one of the locals will be able to help direct you to to a seasoned mekgineer no problem! In no time at all, you'll know the proper way to hold a hammer, ad, how to forge and thread nuts and bolts, and even how to make things like your first pair of goggles!

Practice, Practice, Practice:

Now, it's all well and good, to have a more experienced engineer teach you the basics, in fact, it's really super necessary, to have access to a smart and friendly trainer or master mekgineer to teach you things you don't know. However, at the same time, you also really, really REALLY need to practice your tinkering if you want to improve your skill! They say “practice makes perfect!” and, I believe that that really is true, because, say you wanted to make some special bolts for an engine your building, but you make a mistake the first time. The second time, will you make that same mistake again? Maybe. But! By the third or fourth time, at most, you definitely would understand where you went wrong, and you'd never ever make that same mistake again! In this same way, each time you build something, each time you practice, you learn a little bit more, maybe about a more efficient way to do something, or about machining tolerances, or, it may even give you a super great idea for a whole new device altogether! This is why, it's super important not to get discouraged, even when it seems you may have to practice a LOT to improve your skills!

Schematics:

A schematic is a sort of blueprint or plan that engineers make to accurately depict how a device is fabricated and assembled, and with modern printing technology, I'm super happy to tell you that there are more schematics and engineering manuals available today than ever before! With a little silver and a quick trip to the auction house, or to your favorite engineering supplier, you can bring home schematics for any number of super great and useful inventions! Depending on your skill level, or the materials you have at hand, you might not be able to build them all right away, and sometimes, sellers will want a lot of money for certain schematics based on patent rights and desirability, but that doesn't mean that you can't go out and find something you can use right away! There being so many engineers out there, both on Azeroth and in the Outlands, it's also not surprising that there are schematics out there that not even the most experienced trainer knows about! Hand-drawn plans, or top secret designs that might not be readily available, except to more “adventurous” people. Once you know the basics, collecting new and wonderful schematics can be fun AND educational!

Advanced Engineering:

After you've learned the basics of engineering and everything your trainer and schematics can teach you, you may need to seek out new instructors or blueprints, that are more advanced than the ones you are using right now. Although fighting is always bad, and war is a terrible and super scary thing, wars often bring about great innovations in both magic and science, and as a result of the battles that took place in the Outlands a few years ago and the recent war against the Scourge, engineers have been able to learn a great many new and exciting things. If you were to go to the Outlands, you can still find groups of native Outlanders and settlers from Azeroth who are consummate engineers with a lot to teach you. With the majority of the Alliance's top scientists and mekgineers still stationed in Northrend, places like Valiance Keep, and Valgarde, and the city of Dalaran have become amazing places for engineers to study and conduct their experiments. Since engineering is all about change and improvement and innovation, you can't afford to only learn from the sources you have around you, but, you have to be willing to go out into the world and search for bigger, better, newer inventions and schematics, to apprentice under better masters and sometimes, to go to places you might even find just a little bit scary.

Well, I really really hope that you enjoyed my article! I really really hope that you were able to learn something, even if you're not an engineer and read this article by mistake. Although it may seem like a lot of work, and may seem too hard, training your engineering skill, practicing and seeking out new things to learn and build is super important and very, very rewarding! Next week, we will start to talk about the two main branches of engineering, and the different fun and interesting things that can be learned from each of them! Be well, and, enjoy the rest of this fine publication!

November Issue - Ask Asteris

by Philomene Asteris

"I've spent most of my life running away from something, and despite that fact, it found me. And in this something, I found that I could be really happy. I wasn't trapped like I thought I would be... until I lost it. At least I think I have. I'm not sure. I'm too scared to approach the matter openly, or even in secret... I broke trust and faith with something I said I never would. How can I fix my problem? Or at least... stop feeling so sorry for myself. I am not really all that fond of being miserable."

Dear Lost,

Few people are actually fond of being miserable. Just a thought. If I have interpreted this rambling correctly, you broke faith with someone -- though you said 'something', I am really hoping it wasn't a 'thing' since the tone of this missive indicates romantic troubles -- and want to know how to fix it. Fear not, Lost. You already know what your problem is: you're untrustworthy. Which means you already have the power to 'fix' this. As to your request for tips on how to 'stop feeling sorry' for yourself: if winning this person's trust back is important to you at all, I suggest you cease expending energy on self-imposed martyrdom and set to work learning how not to cross boundaries of trust. Turn your attention to the things within your reach.

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"I'm in love!! problem is 1. She doesn't know, 2) She is a member of the Horde, she is soo strong, not to metion sneeky an sly, like myself. When I travel through Orgrimmar, i see her, and my heart skips a beat. Please help"

Dear Lovesick,

You bring up the fact that she is a member of the Horde, and then mention your travels through Orgrimmar. If I add these two facts with your not-so-clever signature I find myself led to believe you are some sort of a spy working in Kalimdor. Does it occur to you that perhaps if you spent more time working and less time drooling over the locals your problem would solve itself?

Whilst I cannot throw stones at anyone looking outside their race romantically (my kal'dorei husband is likely reading this and smirking) I admit I do not find it likely your lady love would be amenable to your pursuit -- were you to make your interests known -- seeing as how you are SPYING on her PEOPLE.

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"There's this girl I like, but I am not sure what I should do about it. She's very pretty, well mannered, and soft spoken. Her family comes from good lines I'm sure, as she is also very proper. My family has a much more, coloured, background. I've asked her on walks, and we've spoken. But how do I go about letting her know I want to pursue more? (Without scaring her off.)"

Dear Not-Sure,

Are you getting your friends to write to me as well? Nether take me, all these letters sound the same.

At any rate, you say you have spoken with her and gone for walks. Unless she is some sort of a dullard she has likely already grown wise to you. Try talking less and communicating more. I hear that works. In the meanwhile, consider this: if the social divide is too much for her to ignore, do you want her anyway?

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"Everyday I wake up and my house is shaking! I get it all put back into order and it's already started to shake again! What is going on with these nether damned Earthquakes!?"

Dear Shaken,

If I knew the answer to this, likely King Varian Wrynn would have me firmly ensconced in his throne room on a handy fainting couch, so that I may render him the answers to any other question he might have.

Oh, and there would be a fan. A fan with feathers, that I could wave lazily during the warm months between my grand (and infallible!) proclamations. Perhaps a bowl of moonberries, chilled just-so.

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"Recently I attended a Hallow's End party. I got drunk as a skunk and wound up sleeping with my superior officer. We never took off our masks, so I don't think she knows it was me. Should I tell her? Or pretend this never happened!?"

Dear Drunk,

I was not aware skunks imbibed. Learn something new every day. So, let me get this straight: You had a night of drunken passion with someone in your chain of command, under the guise of anonymity. And said officer has not said anything to you about this. And you want to ruin the delightful memory of this tryst by talking about it. To someone who could potentially deny you promotion forever.

I would examine this more closely, but it is making my head hurt.

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"Though I'm tempted t'write to "Sadistic Sally." You asked to hear about th'continued situation. Still knocked up. Have narrowed th'donor's list down t'about three fellas. My question now is. Once I find this fucker, what do I do? Will he give a shit? I'm not really big on the relationship thing. Few folks suggest I should try if I intend t'keep the kid, which I do. What do you think? - Baking a Brat"

Dear Baking-A-Brat,

My greetings to you once again! I am glad you took time out of your busy daddy-hunting schedule to drop me a line. You know, someone once used to address me by the name 'Sally'. He is dead. Take from that what you will.

On the topic of your likely-burgeoning belly and the question of what to do once you've located the gentlem (I tried to write that with a straight face and could not manage the trick of it.)

I have no idea if this person will, as you so colorfully put it, 'give a shit'. If you do not desire a relationship, then don't attempt to have one. Likely, once the child is born you will have your hands full trying to raise said infant without adding to it by trying to carry on a relationship you don't sound like you want.

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"Firstly, I'd like to tell you that I just love your name! "Philomene." It just sounds so delicate and refined. A name for a lovely sophisticate! I'm very keen on names you see, poetic and inspiring names, which, brings me to the real reason I'm writing in. My husband and I are about to have our first child, you see, and I've been thinking quite hard on what to name him or her when the time comes. However, my husband hasn't liked ONE of the beautiful, strong, unique names I've suggested! He'd rather name the child "Jack" or "Mary," or something equally prosaic and dull! Am I wrong for wanting my child to come into the world with a wonderful name?"

Dear Nameless,

Thank you for the compliment on my name. I assure you I had little to do with its being assigned to me. The solution to your problem is a simple one: let your husband choose a first name, something sensible, and then choose the second name yourself according to your whims. But for the sake of your soon-to-arrive child, please do not pick anything that rhymes.

November Issue - Home and Hearth

by Cyda Gwae'nóna

In a time where it is considered easier to make your way to an Alchemists Lab, or the nearest Cathedral or Temple to cure an illness, often the simplest tried and true methods of tending common ailments have been all but forgotten. In this and the following articles I will be writing to share with those who would lend an ear, or at least wish to save a little gold, how to use the most common treatments with the highest efficiency and best outcomes. This article will not, however cover any particular herb, but rather, several different remedies for aching muscles due to either toiling in the fields to collect the harvest, or adventuring.

During the Harvest Season especially, we work the hardest. Be it to bring in the harvest, or prepare ourselves and our homes for the oncoming winter seasons... along with the chill in the air and the leaves changing their colors, a certain sign of the changing seasons experienced by young and old is the muscle and bone pains felt.

Muscles tend to ache for a number of different reasons, ranging from age to stress and illness, but most commonly due to the simple fact that a person overuses their body. Bone aches are caused by mostly the same, along with old breaks healed over and strain, thankfully the remedy used for one can often double as the remedy for the other.

Firstly, in attempts to prevent these sorts of injuries, one should always rest well before partaking in strenuous activities. Eat two Tel'Abim Bananas every day for muscles and three or four shelled walnuts for bone pains. If one is not particularly fond of the texture of either foods, it is suggested to eat plenty of Banana Bread. While it is not as high in the various nutrients found in the two foods separately, there is some good to be had from it. A second, highly suggested method of prevention would be to make certain that you are wearing the proper footwear. While it is near impossible to find a comfortable shoe that is also protective, it is easy to commission your local Leatherworker for a set of padded soles for the shoes you wear. Finally, drink plenty of water and be sure to stretch before any and all activities. I cannot press upon you just how important these two things are!

The most commonly suggested method of mending one’s aches is of course, give it time. Lay down and allow your body time to recuperate from the day’s work. Granted, not always can a person allow themselves the luxury of rest. In this case massage the area afflicted with pain with mustard oil, and use a hot/cold compress by dipping a cloth in hot water or wrap a cloth around heated stones. Once the cloth or stones cool, remove and replace with a towel dipped in cold water (Or if you are lucky enough to have a mage near at hand, ice wrapped in a towel will be better still yet.) Repeat the hot and cold presses until the pain has subsided.

Another, rather simple and cheap method to help mend one’s muscles would be to dissolve two cups of Epsom Salt in hot bath water, while a strange suggestion it has been noted by many healers to help speed the process of healing torn muscles. If one is incapable of getting their hands on the Salt, however, using the leaves from the Silverleaf plant found in the same areas as Peacebloom, in a hot bath will help soothe inflamed muscles. If one does not have a time for a full, long soak, a wash can easily be prepared. One ounce of Silverleaf Leaves per pint of warm water. Dip a piece of cloth in the wash and apply over pain-affected areas.

Lastly, if the pains persist beyond the remedies I’ve listed, the dried bark of the Starwood Trees used to brew a tea will most certainly remove any and all aches a body feels after a strenuous day. Steep the bark in hot water for half an hour and drink three to four cups daily. This cure is also helpful for reducing fevers, boosting a person’s natural defences against illnesses and monthly cramping. It, however is not to be used often as the side effects from accidental overdosing are sever. Some side effects include, upset stomach, ulcers, bleeding of the stomach, nausea, skin rashes and vomiting. If one must resort to this final method of curing their aches, it is strongly advised to seek out the local apothecary for proper dosages.

In closing, aches and pains from the harvest season, cold and reckless adventuring or the combination of all of these things can be prevented with a few simple to preform tasks and common sense, but if one forgets to do these things, there are a variety of easy, cheap and readily accessible remedies at hand. I am of the hopes that this article has been useful to you, my readers, and I am of the hopes that next month you will join me as I outline the cures of the various illnesses that come with the snow and Greatfather Winter!