by Qualiniel Garravore
What is love? How does one know when they love someone? How can they tell if it is the forever and ever kind of love, or just another passing fancy? How can someone tell when they are ready to devote their lives to their partner....
I asked these questions so many times in the past three years and the answers I received never really made me feel any better or feel as though the questions posed were answered in a way that I could handle it. I was told that love was not being able to breath without your partner, feeling lost and lonely... I was told that love was depending on your partner for everything, it was only being able to laugh when your partner was near, and crying when he (or she) was away. It was flowers and chocolates, and magic and... a world of bliss never ending. Love was changing yourself to fit the person you care for, it was changing that person to be everything in the world for you! I was told love was never having to sacrifice, because your partner would give everything to make sure you are happy and safe.
Some of these things are half true, the rest... well, the rest frightened me, to be honest. To me, love should not be about having to depend one hundred percent on someone... to change the person because you want it, or change yourself so that they like you. The problem with that is, one, you’re essentially living a lie, and expecting them to do so as well. And lies, they are always found out in the end. Truth comes out and one must live with the consequences. Another problem with what I was told is that... depending on someone, entirely, while can be good in hard times, is not healthy. One should be happy with their partner, they should feel complete, but...
To me, love is as follows: It is being happy with your partner, but not having your own happiness be conditional of their presence. It is missing them when they are not there, but not feeling alone, because in the end you know he (or she) will come back to you. It is not changing so that they are happy, but changing so that YOU are happy, and having them help you the entire way, because change is never an easy thing. It is growing up, but being reminded that it is not a bad thing to laugh and have fun. Love is not hiding behind your partner when danger approaches, but fighting beside him, because together you are better then one could be on their own. Love is not sacrifice, but compromise. It is communication. It is laughter, and tears, embraces both passionate and gentle, as well as taking time away to breathe and remember. It is not selfish, it is patient. It is demanding, and it is easy. It is taking the good with the bad. It is saying ‘I do not care what others think, I am happy’. It is having a place to take refuge, a place to find peace, because a true love is constant and pure. It is your rock in a storm. It is the fire in your hearth when it is cold outside. It is... home.
I am young still, and I have much yet to learn, but especially during this time of trial and tribulation, I know without a doubt at least this one thing. Love is special, and once you find it, do not let it go. Do not spoil it with falsehoods, or undermine it with your own self doubt. Do not let others influence your heart... as often they will tell you your relationship is not one that is natural, or one to suit you, as in the end- only you know what will truly make you happy and feel fulfilled. Lastly, do not allow the season we are entering this February force you to leap at any male or female in hopes to not spend it alone, as a false love is not as satisfying as a true thing. It will not keep you warm or safe, it will not stay beside you when you are aged and ill, and it will not fill you to overflowing.
