by Philomene Asteris
"I've spent most of my life running away from something, and despite that fact, it found me. And in this something, I found that I could be really happy. I wasn't trapped like I thought I would be... until I lost it. At least I think I have. I'm not sure. I'm too scared to approach the matter openly, or even in secret... I broke trust and faith with something I said I never would. How can I fix my problem? Or at least... stop feeling so sorry for myself. I am not really all that fond of being miserable."
Dear Lost,
Few people are actually fond of being miserable. Just a thought. If I have interpreted this rambling correctly, you broke faith with someone -- though you said 'something', I am really hoping it wasn't a 'thing' since the tone of this missive indicates romantic troubles -- and want to know how to fix it. Fear not, Lost. You already know what your problem is: you're untrustworthy. Which means you already have the power to 'fix' this. As to your request for tips on how to 'stop feeling sorry' for yourself: if winning this person's trust back is important to you at all, I suggest you cease expending energy on self-imposed martyrdom and set to work learning how not to cross boundaries of trust. Turn your attention to the things within your reach.
"I'm in love!! problem is 1. She doesn't know, 2) She is a member of the Horde, she is soo strong, not to metion sneeky an sly, like myself. When I travel through Orgrimmar, i see her, and my heart skips a beat. Please help"
Dear Lovesick,
You bring up the fact that she is a member of the Horde, and then mention your travels through Orgrimmar. If I add these two facts with your not-so-clever signature I find myself led to believe you are some sort of a spy working in Kalimdor. Does it occur to you that perhaps if you spent more time working and less time drooling over the locals your problem would solve itself?
Whilst I cannot throw stones at anyone looking outside their race romantically (my kal'dorei husband is likely reading this and smirking) I admit I do not find it likely your lady love would be amenable to your pursuit -- were you to make your interests known -- seeing as how you are SPYING on her PEOPLE.
"There's this girl I like, but I am not sure what I should do about it. She's very pretty, well mannered, and soft spoken. Her family comes from good lines I'm sure, as she is also very proper. My family has a much more, coloured, background. I've asked her on walks, and we've spoken. But how do I go about letting her know I want to pursue more? (Without scaring her off.)"
Dear Not-Sure,
Are you getting your friends to write to me as well? Nether take me, all these letters sound the same.
At any rate, you say you have spoken with her and gone for walks. Unless she is some sort of a dullard she has likely already grown wise to you. Try talking less and communicating more. I hear that works. In the meanwhile, consider this: if the social divide is too much for her to ignore, do you want her anyway?
"Everyday I wake up and my house is shaking! I get it all put back into order and it's already started to shake again! What is going on with these nether damned Earthquakes!?"
Dear Shaken,
If I knew the answer to this, likely King Varian Wrynn would have me firmly ensconced in his throne room on a handy fainting couch, so that I may render him the answers to any other question he might have.
Oh, and there would be a fan. A fan with feathers, that I could wave lazily during the warm months between my grand (and infallible!) proclamations. Perhaps a bowl of moonberries, chilled just-so.
"Recently I attended a Hallow's End party. I got drunk as a skunk and wound up sleeping with my superior officer. We never took off our masks, so I don't think she knows it was me. Should I tell her? Or pretend this never happened!?"
Dear Drunk,
I was not aware skunks imbibed. Learn something new every day. So, let me get this straight: You had a night of drunken passion with someone in your chain of command, under the guise of anonymity. And said officer has not said anything to you about this. And you want to ruin the delightful memory of this tryst by talking about it. To someone who could potentially deny you promotion forever.
I would examine this more closely, but it is making my head hurt.
"Though I'm tempted t'write to "Sadistic Sally." You asked to hear about th'continued situation. Still knocked up. Have narrowed th'donor's list down t'about three fellas. My question now is. Once I find this fucker, what do I do? Will he give a shit? I'm not really big on the relationship thing. Few folks suggest I should try if I intend t'keep the kid, which I do. What do you think? - Baking a Brat"
Dear Baking-A-Brat,
My greetings to you once again! I am glad you took time out of your busy daddy-hunting schedule to drop me a line. You know, someone once used to address me by the name 'Sally'. He is dead. Take from that what you will.
On the topic of your likely-burgeoning belly and the question of what to do once you've located the gentlem (I tried to write that with a straight face and could not manage the trick of it.)
I have no idea if this person will, as you so colorfully put it, 'give a shit'. If you do not desire a relationship, then don't attempt to have one. Likely, once the child is born you will have your hands full trying to raise said infant without adding to it by trying to carry on a relationship you don't sound like you want.
"Firstly, I'd like to tell you that I just love your name! "Philomene." It just sounds so delicate and refined. A name for a lovely sophisticate! I'm very keen on names you see, poetic and inspiring names, which, brings me to the real reason I'm writing in. My husband and I are about to have our first child, you see, and I've been thinking quite hard on what to name him or her when the time comes. However, my husband hasn't liked ONE of the beautiful, strong, unique names I've suggested! He'd rather name the child "Jack" or "Mary," or something equally prosaic and dull! Am I wrong for wanting my child to come into the world with a wonderful name?"
Dear Nameless,
Thank you for the compliment on my name. I assure you I had little to do with its being assigned to me. The solution to your problem is a simple one: let your husband choose a first name, something sensible, and then choose the second name yourself according to your whims. But for the sake of your soon-to-arrive child, please do not pick anything that rhymes.
