October Issue - Ask Asteris

by Philomene Asteris

“I've a friend who really enjoys helping and, sometimes she thinks that the best way to help a person is to be there, and hug and hold and sometimes flowers. Actually... a lot of flowers! But... more and more, she's been yelled at and called some very rude and hurtful things for trying to be helpful! Why is it considered such a faux pas to touch a person? And how can she be helpful without coming across as if she were wanting to 'seduce' a person!? I She really just wants to be true to herself and helpful!"


Dear Hands-On Helper,

It is not merely happenstance that Compassion, of the three chiefest of the Virtues, is considered to be the most difficult to effectively implement. An overabundance of helpfulness can stifle the recipient's ability to move through obstacles on their own, and a dearth of such lends to a rather loveless sort of atmosphere and feelings of isolation. (Or so I've been told.)

If one finds oneself beleaguered with the urge to physically comfort another it would be in this person's best interests to consider how it might be received by the object of such smothering. In this way one can potentially avoid a messy scene. Or being expected to come across, as it were. Unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case I believe the Golden Veil is hiring.

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“I lost a loved one in th' War.... not that he's dead or nothin', I just... lost 'im. Well, anyway, he's gone, and he ain't comin' back. Since he went an got hisself lost, it's hard f'r me to remember ta eat and breathe and be sociable. I jus' wanna crawl back inta my tomb and fill it up after me.

I don't want another man. I really don't. But I can't shake this mis'rable feelin'. Why'd he go an' leave me all alone? How do I pick up again an' keep goin'?”


Dear Left In Th' Dust,

From your letter I surmise that you are already dead; my stock advice for these instances involves reminding the person of this fact and urging them to go back into the earth. As this seems to be undesirable to you it appears I shall have to come up with something else (though I do heartily recommend this course of action).

I’ll skip past the obvious question of how, precisely, one loses a person and instead tackle the question of why such a loss would cause you to mope around. So you’re dead and your man’s gone. Things can’t get worse now, really. So you might as well go about the business of unlife and continue on out of sheer spite. Who knows? Perhaps in time you’ll catch the eye of an attractive necromancer. But clattering around in your tomb certainly isn’t going to change anything on its own, so you might as well shamble around looking for a new place to pin your hopes.

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“I'm in an awkward situation. My landlady has the hots for me. She's a nice gal - for an orc - but I'm feeling a little pressure to reciprocate. Not only do I not want to get chucked out into the street, but she's got a few burly brothers I don't want mad at me, either! Unfortunately, I have this sinking feeling they'll get mad either way. How can I let her down gently without getting every bone in my (admittedly very handsome) body broken?”


Dear Danged If I Do, Danged if I Don't,

You seem to be at wit’s end, so let me lay out your options plainly. You could:

1) Confront Burly Bros. over a few pints of moonshine and tell them you don’t believe you’re good enough for their sister, but don’t know how to let her down without hurting her feelings. Follow this plea to their fiercely fraternal impulses with a request for aid. After all, they’d be doing their sister a favor and get to feel superior and helpful in the process. If they don’t come around at first, apply the moonshine more liberally.

2) Fake your death.

3) Confront Lovelorn Landlady head-on instead of reading advice columns. You know, like grown menfolk do.

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“Why is it when you are below the age of thirty everyone treats you like a child? Even if you have obviously undergone more training than half of them and hold a position that should demand respect? What can I do to make them take me seriously? I already conduct myself honorably and with good sense.”


Dear Under-Aged and Over-Qualified,

You seem to be readily able to expound upon your stellar qualities, but I do not notice listed amongst them a penchant for tact or a habit of patience, both of which would serve you in good stead in this instance. You would do well to remember that training is not a substitute for experience and that if those around you do not treat you with respect, it might have something to do with the fact that you haven’t earned it. I recommend you obtain a mentor immediately. Preferably someone who can knock some more ‘good sense’ into that swollen head of yours.

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“I am horribly confused. My beau wasn't involved at the time I met him, yet he and another woman were quite close. As I got closer to him, he and this other woman would speak almost all the time, when he wasn't with me, that is. Well, a few days ago, I found out that they had FEELINGS for each other, and I feel left behind!

What should I do, because I KNOW he loves me, yet I KNOW he loves her! Should I let him go, and look for someone else, or hold on and fight for all I'm worth?”


Dear Horribly Confused,

You sound like it. Please take the opportunity to re-read your missive to me, which is helpfully printed above. Go on; I’ll be here. Finished? Excellent. See how whiny you sound? Perhaps that has something to do with his recent choices. I’d be put off myself by it.

Now to business. You have two options: If he’s spending all his free time with this other woman, looks to me like he’s making his decision. If this is indeed the case, feel free to take a hint. ‘Fighting’ does no good, because as you try to alienate him from her you only serve to cause them to cleave to one another, thus forming ‘them’ and ‘you’. Kicking up a fuss will not only be undignified, but will almost always backfire.

Or you could learn to share him. If all parties are amenable to this arrangement it could be a solution well-worth pursuing. Trust me.

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“What's the proper way to thank someone who brings you a gift that's meant solely to get you in trouble? Like, stolen goods, for instance. I don't want to turn her in, she's a friend... well... kind of, except that all she ever seems to do is get me in trouble! EVERY TIME I see her, it's the same thing: She suggests something that sounds totally innocuous, I agree to it, and allovasudden everyone's howling for my head - and then SHE skips off scot-free, and I'm left holding the bag!

Seriously, does she do this on purpose?”


Dear Perpetual Patsy,

You’re a great friend to her, Patsy. You agree with whatever scheme she comes up with and help her to put it into action, and then when things go south you’re always there to take the heat. And in return for your loyalty you receive... what?

Yes, she’s doing this on purpose. Now stop answering the door when she comes over, you goose.

October Issue - Home and Hearth

by Cyda Gwae'nóna

In a time where it is considered easier to make your way to an Alchemists Lab, or the nearest Cathedral or Temple to cure an illness, often the simplest tried and true methods of tending common ailments have been all but forgotten. In this and the following articles I will be writing to share with those who would lend an ear, or at least wish to save a little gold, how to use the most common treatments with the highest efficiency and best outcomes. This article will not, however cover any particular herb, but rather, several different remedies for an upset stomach.

Hallow’s End is approaching fast, already children run through the streets of the various cities and small towns that dot the landscape of Azeroth in the beginnings of their costumes and dream of all the candy they will consume. Mothers wring their hands at the thought of the cries that will follow the laughter and the joyous sounds of their little ones gorging themselves sick on the sweets... and no doubt, a number of you readers too will rampage over the land to steal whatever sweets you may find in the Innkeepers' buckets. My first suggestion is to remember that too much of something ‘good’ tends to be bad. The first step to curing something, is to not put yourself in a position to need the cure. However, no doubt my warnings will go unheeded...

The first thing one could attempt while feeling ill from too much candy, is of course Peacebloom tea. It is amazing how versatile this simple, small herb is. Though, in this case I would also suggest adding ginger and mint to the blend as they are both powerful anti-nausia plants. The combination of these three will also help if you are prone to growing ill during long flights.

Another cure that is somewhat less appetizing in sound, but as sure a cure as anything an apothecary could suggest, is clay. To prepare this, all one needs is a glass of warm water and a spoonful of clay from clean earth (It is unwise to take anything from a land that is plagues into one’s body). Drop the clay into the glass. Stir until the clay is dissolved completely and drink deeply. Try not to think of what you are swallowing though, as it may be enough to make you purge your body, which leads to the next ‘cure’.

When all else fails, allow your body to purge the filth you’ve consumed. The act of vomiting is merely another way your body protects itself from toxins, ranging from bad fish, to alcohol poisoning, and anything in between. Though, as with all things, it is a dangerous thing to indulge in too often as the acids in a person’s stomach will tear their innards, weaken the heart and at times cause bleeding within. These are of course extreme cases, but something to keep in mind. After all, if you’re ill from consuming too much candy, you’ve obviously no self control to begin with.

And finally... slightly burnt toast. Something solid and bland in a person’s belly tends to do wonders for settling it and the burnt charcoal dusting over the toast will neutralize the toxins within. Granted, one would have better results if they found an actual stick or block of charcoal to chew on. However, I’m certain that the mere thought of it will set you, my reader’s stomach rolling once more.

In closing, there are numerous means to curing an ailing stomach from too much candy, and most of them rather unpalatable in the minds of my readers and so, for the final time, I strongly urge you to remember that candy will keep! You do not need to shovel as much of it down your throat in a single sitting.

October Issue - Letters to the Editor

Re: Whispers and Rumors – September Issue

We have never used anything other than animal hides in our shop and are frankly outraged at anyone suggesting otherwise. If there are less vagrants on the street perhaps the guards have been doing their job and arresting these individuals.

- The Tanner and Griffith Families, Stormwind

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Re: Getting Down to Nuts and Bolts: Engineering Made Easy – September Issue

I'd certainly like to get down to nuts and bolts with that Mekgineer Dolittle! Did you see her spanner? I bet her toolbox is fully outfitted, if you know what I mean.

- Hadley Coppertop, Iron Forge

Enjoyed this article immensely. I hope you cover power tools soon!

- Eager Engineer, Exodar

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Re: The Wayward Son Tavern – September Issue

Didn't the Son used to host some kinda Stag night with nearly naked women prancin' around the bar? What happened to that! Some of us fella's don't have a lot to look forward to you know.

- Turning Blue, Stormwind

I ate at the Son once and after overhearing the staff talking about the rat problem they found in the cellar found out the kabobs served that evening were made of the very same rats! I was ill for a week, I swear. I wouldn't go back if you paid me!

- Samantha Johnson, Stormwind

The Wayward Son has become a cornerstone of this city. I'm glad that it is finally being acknowledged.

- Faithful Patron, Stormwind

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Re: Ask Asteris – September Issue

I love your witty and blunt responses. What a sharp quill you pen with!

- Jonah Danfel, Westfall

At: Mixed Blood. I think Asteris put it well. You are obviously suffering from your own self loathing. The races of Azeroth have had to come together to survive against threats like the Legion and Scourge. As a result we are working and living around each other much more than in the past. This will result in interracial relationships and yes at times offspring. What is wrong with this other than it apparently offends your delicate eyes? These children do not suffer for what their parents were. It is our job as a society to get over being afraid of what is different. If you cannot come to terms with this, perhaps you should indeed just remove yourself.

- Tolerant, Darnassus

At: Baking a Brat. Your name isn't Elahna is it?

- Concerned, Booty Bay

October Issue - Falling Into the Season

with Field Reporter Fiammeta Castelon

October is a busy month with plenty to keep one in the social scene. From festivals, to private parties, and tavern nights! However, before we go over the details of where the who's who will want to be this month I would like to pay some special attention to Hallow's End.

Originally Hallow's End was a celebration for the end of the harvest, with its roots in Lordaeron tradition. But I think most can attest, it's garnered a much wider and varied audience in our present day. For instance, the Forsaken have adopted this holiday and made it something very much their own. Celebrating with their mysterious Wickerman rituals, which I have been privileged to witness for myself a time or two. The following is an on scene report taken from last year's ritual:

Note: All quotations translated from their original Gutterspeak, for the ease of the reader.

I arrived outside the ruins of Lordaeron near seven forty-five in the evening. Covered in moss and twigs, I blended in well with the log I chose to set up behind. Down the slope before me I could spy the enormous Wickerman, guarded on either side by abominations. A loud cry rang out from the city.

“The burning of the Wickerman will begin in fifteen minutes! Come to the festival – located just west of the Undercity – and celebrate Hallow's End and our liberation from the Scourge!”

Yes, that is what the Forsaken come together to celebrate, their freedom. It has been approximately seven years since they broke free of the will of the Lich King.

At eight o'clock the Banshee Queen herself arrived. A chilling figure full of poise and dark power, she addressed her subjects in a booming voice as the Wickerman was set aflame. Orange and gold flames licked the dark sky.

“Children of the Night, heed your Queen's call! I join you in celebration of this most revered of nights – the night we Forsaken broke the scourge's yoke of oppression! It is this night that our enemies fear us the most. It is THIS night that we show our enemies what it means to stand against the Forsaken! We burn the effigy of Wickerman as symbol of our struggle against those who would oppose us. We wear the ashes of the burnt Wickerman as a symbol of our never ending fight against those who would enslave us. Now is the time to shake the world to its foundations! NOW is the time to remind those who would enslave us that we shall never yield! NOW is the time of the Forsaken! Power to the Forsaken – NOW AND FOREVER!!!”

After he had burned for some time and they echoed her cries, those present began to smear the ashes of the Wickerman over themselves. Believing that this will give them a blessing.

A chilling ritual, to be sure and also one that we should be able to respect. Do not all races deserve to enjoy their freedom? Certain individuals attempt to disrupt the Wickerman Festival from time to time, but the horde retaliates with their own distractions. Stink bombs released in the town of Southshore. Attempting to neutralize these rancid bombs keeps the hands of pranksters occupied.

Our own Alliance celebrations are now predominately touched by the magical and

whimsical. Apple bobbing, gathering candy door to door for the orphans, obtaining magical wands that transform us into all manner of ridiculous things. But there is a shadow over this merry making, The Headless Horseman.

Flying atop his nightmare steed, he hurtles flaming pumpkins at those below. Most citizens, be they Alliance or Horde, have been called on one Hallow's End or another to aid in putting out the fires he spreads in Goldshire, Kharanos, Azure Watch, Razhor Hill, Brill, and Falconwing Square.

His harsh laughter echoes in the air with his familiar cries, “Prepare yourselves the bells have tolled! Shelter your weak, your young and your old! Each of you shall pay the final sum! Cry for mercy; the reckoning has come!”

Most fear the coming of The Headless Horseman, but few look past the figure he now is. Is he some unknown demon, brought upon us? Or was he indeed, once a man. This question has plagued me, but after a trail beginning with the Scarlet Emissary to Stormwind and ending in the now hostile Monastery itself, I was finally able to uncover some answers.

The Headless Horseman was born one Tom Thomson. Few records still survive detailing the life of this man. But several facts remain. He was a Knight of the Silver Hand, who supposedly witnessed Baron Rivendare's betrayal in sending plagued grain to a village he was defending, among other atrocities. He eventually wound up with the Scarlet Crusade where, it is safe to assume, he began to go mad with zeal. Records state that he accidentally killed his own family when on a raid after which he lost any lingering sanity. Believing that he was the only that could save humanity he killed many of his comrades before he was stopped and beheaded.

Little remains beyond this death record. Nothing to explain why Sir Tom Thomson was cursed to rise each year. Still perhaps, believing that he is the only man left living in a world of undead he must purge. When it is truly he who has become the monster.

Enough of such subjects, though. Let us turn to focusing on the festive side of the season!

If you're fond of Brew, I highly recommend stopping in the snows outside Iron Forge. Brew Fest is in full swing and will be until the 5^th of October! Personally I find it to be a little too “noisy.” But some of you like that type of thing. All the complimentary booze you can handle, specialty brews from a variety of vendors. And don't forget the drunken ram racing.

For those that prefer a different form of atmosphere for their brew consumption there are of course a variety of privately run taverns to be had as well. The Wayward Son tavern is located in the Park District of Stormwind. It opens every Monday from seven o'clock to nine in the evening and every Tuesday from six o'clock to eight in the evening. The Sword and Stein shares the same building and runs Thursdays from seven o'clock to nine in the evening. And of course there is Wyrmhearth over in Thelsamar, Loch Modan open every Saturday at seven o'clock in the evening.

If spinning a tale, or singing a ballad is more your style the Bardic Circle will be meeting again soon. The first Wednesday of every month folks gather around Beggar's Haunt, Duskwood. Sadly I was unable to discover what time this happens. But you can always contact Rublestrasza for more details!

The premier event of the season, in my opinion, will be the Third Annual Spooktacular. Hosted by the “Big Bad Wolf” this celebration will showcase some of the best aspects of Hallow's End. Guests are asked to arrive in costume and awards are given for best dressed at the end of the evening. Other awards are given for “Scariest Story” and the “Three-Legged” Race. And as with any event backed by the Servitors of Lothar, guests can expect free food and drink and likely dancing. The Spooktacular will take place in Raven Hill, Duskwood on the 23^rd of October at seven o'clock in the evening.

Whatever you choose to do with your holiday, I pray you do it with the utmost enjoyment!

October Issue - Ads

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Down the Hatch! Apothecary and Alchemical Shop

Looking to gain an edge over your foes? Trying to cure that nasty head cold? Or even simply wishing to spruce up your residence with some new fragrances?

Then stop on by Down the Hatch! We're a brand new potion shop located in the Park in Stormwind City, just across from the Wayward Son Tavern!

We stock, brew, and ship potions, elixirs, and products of all kinds for almost any need ranging from medicines to cooking herbs to weapon coatings.

Contact Maesaeloria Nash or Brommidor Stonebrow (Proprietors of DtH) for a free* product catalogue and order forms or stop on by our shop to browse around!

((*Product Catalogue and Order Forms are GHI items made specifically for our shop. Please peruse them for our list of products. Our products are all GHI items and we plan on "selling" them to any interested parties. Actual monetary exchange may or may not occur depending on personal preference. We are also actual alchemists and can create actual potions as well.))

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SEEKING: Songbird seeking Delivery Boy for pen pal exchange, no strings attached. Songbird does not enjoy receiving presents but does enjoy lengthy written discourse.

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Interested in advertising with us? Give it a go! Sell a shirt, or find a date!

- Personal Ads - 5g

- Crafting Ads - 10g

- Guild Ads - 20g

September Issue - Community Spotlight: The Wayward Son Tavern

by Fiammeta M. Castelon

Well, I went down to Stormwind town,
and I was feeling parched.
I saw a gray old beggar,
sitting 'neath a great stone arch.
I said, Hey old man, could ye tell me,
where can I get an ale?
He said, I know the best place in town,
and I won't tell no tales.

From the highest boughs of the Elves great tree,
to the deepest Dwarven cavern.
You'll never find a better place,
than The Wayward Son Tavern!

The staff is always friendly,
and the bar is always stocked.
The crowd is always lively,
when it comes round 7 o'clock.
When you've drained your stein of all its ale,
they'll gladly bring you more.
Just take the weapons off your belt,
leave your battles at the door .

From the highest boughs of the Elves great tree,
to the deepest Dwarven cavern.
You'll never find a better place,
than The Wayward Son Tavern!

Doesn't matter if your human,
elvish, draenei, dwarf, or gnome.
The Son is guaranteed to be,
your home away from home.
So when you've had enough of war,
and you're weary of battlegrounds.
Come down to The Wayward Son,
And order up another round!

From the highest boughs of the Elves great tree,
to the deepest Dwarven cavern.
You'll never find a better place,
than The Wayward Son Tavern!

You may occasionally hear this song as you travel the busy streets of Stormwind. Why you ask? Nestled in scenic Stormwind Park is The Wayward Son Tavern. Though it has not always been known under this name. Let us begin with a brief history lesson.

Some years ago the tavern was founded under the name The Crimson Jewel and operated by Kitra Aeldron. Rumor has it that due to a number of incidents the original management abandoned the building as “cursed” and moved their business to Iron Forge. The tavern remained orphaned until a young man by the name of Robert Forcythe applied for the deed, it was he that renamed the tavern The Wayward Son. However, it was not long after this that Forcythe was murdered. Eventually the deed for the building passed into the hands of Shiawase Deeproots and with he rumored to be missing the Retribution of Arathor has assumed general ownership. These occurrences perhaps giving credence to the rumored curse the building holds.

A draenei woman by the name of Aantelah, who had worked with Shiawase, took over organization in his absence. As a member of The Servitors of Lothar she has enlisted numerous members of the order to aid in keeping the tavern going. The Retribution of Arathor is also once again contributing to keeping the tavern operational. And so, The Wayward Son seems to have lifted any curse darkening its door, and prospers as a business.

Any potential patrons should note that the Son has become no quiet hole in the wall. If you intend to visit, be prepared. Upon interviewing some of the staff we heard tales of drunken brawls, amorous undead gnomes, druidic bears hanging from the chandelier, and a bartender that enjoys setting drinks on fire. That said, you will rarely find yourself without entertainment.

Drink and dining at the Son is second to none. The menu changes from night to night with samplings from a variety of cultures. One night you may be welcomed with a selection of Kal'dorei delicacies, the next a gnomish array of sweets.

If you find yourself in Stormwind we recommend you drop in and form your own opinions on the colorful experience that this tavern provides. You will find the Wayward Son open Mondays from seven to nine o'clock in the evening and Tuesdays from six to eight o'clock in the evening.

We leave you with these comments from the patrons:

“I love it (bartending). I get to see new people, cook new food, I can hear about places I haven't seen yet. It's nice to serve too.” - Qualiniel Aew'Lira

“Oh it's wonderful. Friendly lot. Best service I've had in awhile.” - Anon.

"It's a home... as close to one as a bar could be. It's where I worked to start knowing people better, well... above their waists anyway, and it's where I'd fallen in love. Plenty of things change in life.. but the Son is always there, always open, and always inviting." - Brudinna Ainua

“Tha bar sems gewd enough for meh purposes. Clean kill as ta the best place ta get a mug this side o'Ironforforge.” - Ish Cairnheart

“The food is good.” - a Gnome

“ I think, that the Wayward Son is a very nice place to, come and eat, and to get something to drink, and to, um, socialize, with friends, and with, um, more than friends, and, people who are not friends yet, but will be!” - Davvi DoLittle

September Issue - Ask Asteris

by Philomene Asteris

-'My husband has an unhealthy love affair with hats... of all things. There are more hats in our dwelling then dwarves in Ironforge! What should I do?'


Dear Against Hats,

If your husband's love of elegant headgear is getting in the way of your marriage (or your path to the front door) you have only one option if you'd like to actually preserve your relationship. If not, feel free to continue stamping your foot and alienating your hat-adoring man. My advice to you, Against Hats, is to buy more hatracks and embrace this quirk; begin wearing hats of your own. Who knows? If he loves hats, and loves you, perhaps it'll spice up your love life.



-'T' brodda A' be workin wit' t'inks mi a 'arpy voiced bitc'. A' t'ink 'im tongue wags too mut'. Can A' cut out 'im tongue wit'out it startin' a war b'tween our tribes? If not... w'at can a sista' do?'


Dear Tonguecutter,

I would advise you to shut your mouth before complaining about someone else's verbal habits. Merely because one speaks does not mean one should do so. Silence has served me well over the years, and it is a habit I continue to practice a great deal of the time. Is it that you believe he speaks too frequently, or that you simply don't like what you're hearing? You might want to consider this before you do anything imprudent. But if all else fails I suppose you could bring a cow's tongue and some nails to your local witch doctor and see if that helps. After all, -your- hands would remain clean this way, yes?



-'I am sick of being judged because of my mixed blood... and even sicker still, watching long ears an' round ears bumping and grinding and making more of my kind. I don't have any question.. only a very loud STOP IT to be announced to all of you idiots who partake in this sort of behavior! Think of the things you will create before procreating outside of your race, and the insults they will suffer for you being unable to keep your legs shut!'


Dear Mixed Blood,

Though you did not have a question I shall be answering you anyway. It occurs to me that if you are so shamed by the prospect of mixed blood, perhaps you should do yourself a favor and contribute to your own nonexistence. After all, nobody wants to hear that sort of wailing. I advise you to take a serious look at yourself before you go blaming your troubles on the barbs of strangers, as it is clear this letter is only a vehicle for your own inner turmoil.



-'I am tired of being asked 'Can you fix my mechano-strider' or, 'Hey! I need a bomb! Make me a few...' or 'Can you repair my chopper? I think something came loose. And I'm tired of being scolded for lecturing people on the matter... how can I stress it to the tallsies without being rude, that just because I'm a Gnome.. doesn't mean I'm a tinkerer..... without setting their toes on fire?'


Dear Gadgetless Gnome,

If you do not wish to immolate those around you (a social gaffe, to be certain, in some circles) you could choose to employ some creativity in the matter: Stop in at Tinker Town and offer to take all the non-working gadgets off the hands of the apprentices. Distribute these to your boorish allies -- I am assuming these are the sort of people who think nothing of treating a gnome as a child merely due to stature, in which case nobody will miss them -- and you might find they will never come asking again, for one reason or another.



-"Say...that perhaps someone had done something stupid. For example, they may have found out they were pregnant eh? And what if, just being hypothetical, they had no idea who the father was. Would you suggest that, if they'd narrowed it down they approach every "donor" on the list? Or maybe they should just wait and see what the brat looks like?"


Dear Baking a Brat,

If you are planning on sending the result of the pregnancy off to the Orphanage, then it doesn't really matter who the father is. But if you are planning on raising this little baggage yourself, then indeed a bit of delicacy is required. Children make excellent leverage later, I have come to understand. If you would like one of the 'donors' involved, however... I would recommend either picking the most likely -- if risky subterfuge is your style -- or approaching all of the men frankly. After all, if you've been going around with so many, likely they know you're a whore anyway and will not judge you too harshly, since they were more than happy to dip their wick in the first place. Do write back and let me know how this turns out!



-"I'm in love with a man who is rich, tall, clever, handsome - and married. He's not faithful to her - I'm his mistress,and I know he loves me more. He's always dropping by to tell me how much he loves me, gives me little gifts, shares the latest news so we can have a laugh - you know, all the things men do when they care. I'd be ten times the wife she is - she's a useless, cloistered, pinchfaced girl who can't even cook, he only married her because she got knocked up. He was GOING to marry ME, I just know it! How do I get him to leave her? I'd appreciate any advice on the subject."


Dear Would-Be Wife,

Why would you want to be the wife? If he is so miserable in his marriage why are you lining up to be the next? Does it occur to you that you are a rather powerful position right now? For you, Would-Be, get the cream without having to skim it from the rest of the day's milking. Not only this, but you are still free to hunt a man who is both richer and taller, since these things seem to appeal to you. But if you are set upon this path, well, all you must do is befriend the wife. And then ruin her socially. Their marriage will surely crumble and he will soon be free to do as he pleases.

September Issue - Home and Hearth

by Cyda Gwae'nóna

In a time where it is considered easier to make your way to an Alchemists Lab, or the nearest Cathedral or Temple to cure an illness, often the simplest tried and true methods of tending common ailments have been all but forgotten. In this and the following articles I will be writing to share with those who would lend an ear, or at least wish to save a little gold, how to use the most common treatments with the highest efficiency and best outcomes. Today, I will write of one of the most familiar herbs one encounters on an everyday basis: Peacebloom.

It is perhaps the most widely used and known herb. It is found outside the gates of nearly every large city, but thrives best in mild climates and in areas with rich soil and full sun. The small white flower is a versatile herb that can be used to treat a wide variety of common ailments ranging from headaches, to skin rashes, sleeplessness, and upset stomachs. Proof enough of the plants medicinal usage is the fact that it is the first herb an alchemist is taught to harvest and use in various healing draughts.

There are several ways to prepare the herb, after harvesting the flower. The first and most common is to dry the bloom. To do this, one should cut the Peacebloom at the base of the plant where it sprouts from the earth, tie each handful off at the bottom and hang it from a high, dry place. Afterwards the head of the flower can be crushed and a spoon full placed in small gauze bags for tea, and soaks. Another method of of preparing Peacebloom is upon harvesting the plant, remove the flowering heads and grind them into a paste with the aid of a mortar, pestle and a dram of water for consistency.

When places in a tea, Peacebloom flowers are used internally for many common physical symptoms: a woman’s moontime cramps, indigestion, fever, colds, headaches, sleeplessness, vomiting, stress, nervousness, and poor digestion. For babies, the tea can be mixed with his mothers milk to treat symptoms of teething pain and colic. Externally, Peacebloom flowers can be ground into a paste and used to treat skin irritations such as blisters, infections, rashes, and burns. Lastly, dried Peacebloom flowers can be inhaled for breathing troubles and allergic issues such as asthma, and hay fever by steeping the gauze-bags in a teapot. Then with a towel draped over ones head and shoulders, breathe in deeply the steam issued forth for relief from that which plagues.

In closing, Peacebloom is a versatile plant that is relatively easy to harvest and prepare, however, I feel the need to remind that even healing herbs can turn poisonous if not prepared correctly and so, I would suggest visiting your local apothecary to pick up one of the many books available to the public, or ask for some instruction on the particulars.

September Issue - Whispers and Rumors

Now you better be sitting down for this, honey. Wait til you hear what my sources have been telling me lately...

A drunken sailor was heard running his craw in The Slaughtered Lamb. Swearing he saw the red sails of The Mercy last he was out to sea. Infamous pirate and scalliwag, Captain Daitaro Darksquall was listed as dead by the King's navy nearly three months ago, so either the navy is missing something or you should look out for ghost ships!

There seems to be a new character of interest loitering about the Wayward Son of late and offering to read your fortune of all things. If you're looking for a glimpse of your future (or just a good chuckle) keep an eye out for Adriano Moreau. Hard to miss, he looks like the sort you find selling you women in Goldshire or the Bay!

Brother Gideone Stone has been seen handing out goods to the needy near Northshire Abbey. No one seems the least bit concerned regarding his former stay in the Stormwind Stockades. So just what are you handing out there Brother?

A woman by the name of “Phillymena” has apparently had a miscarriage and shorn off all of her hair. If you can believe that, I suppose it's a good enough way to grieve. One has to wonder if this source is eluding to the person we think they are, but I'll let you figure that one out for yourselves.

Stormwind Navy officer Jocastia Silverwright's been seen in dealings with known former and current Defias operatives. Could be a double agent? Or maybe she just likes it when her men wear masks!

Recently, a Draenei affiliated with the Servitors of Lothar bought out the Ironforge Auction House's stock of stone, leather and fuses, common components of engineered explosives. This same Draenei was seen placing some "special orders" with merchants from Undermine. What do you think a draenei would blow up, mm? Maybe they should be keeping an eye on that buffet I heard sold out last week!

A Death Knight and ghoul have been seen nosing about the Stormwind docks, looking for work. Oddly, the ghoul had been the one doing all the talking, while its "master" didn't seem to be all there. No crew has brought either of them on to work yet. Gee, we wonder why?

Word on the street has it that the Slaughtered Lamb's "Happy Hour" does not in fact run from 4:00 till 7:00, but from 12:00 till 3:00 in the morning.

Draenic engineers working on the Exodar were overheard promising that the extraplanar ship will once again regain flight capabilities "sometime next century." Keeping on task boys!

It has been rumored that The Protective Hide doesn't use animal leather for their armor, and on another note, the amount of homeless people in Old Town has dropped significantly.

I heard that certain less scrupulous couples have done the deed inside the premises of the Wayward Son- even on the bar! That claim is outrageous, to be certain, but I wouldn't eat off of there if I was you. Some people. Last week the barmaid left midshift after apparently feeling ill. Take our advice and avoid the fish, honey!

We have a report from a man who is convinced his neighbor is crazy. He claims to have heard them yelling at each other and even to have seen flashes of fire through the window. And now the woman has only got one eye and her “giant” of a man is looking twitchy. What a public menace!

A child's grave was desecrated near Hillsbrad last week. There are no suspects. Could the Forsaken at Tarren Mill have done it? No one seems willing to talk about it.

A few hands have been threading through Southshore, looking for passage elsewhere. They say something unlucky happened at the Tanner Fields, near Hillsbrad, and they won't work there any more. 'If'n the place h'ain't cursed now, it will be. Just you see. I'm gettin' out nao, afor th' haint's come f'r what's theirs.'

Ser Edgthorn Asteris and his wife are not often seen together of late. Knight-Keeper Asteris has been 'keeping' to their farmstead near the Thandol Span, while Advisor Asteris is sleeping in her offices on Kalimdor - a whole continent away! The couple were married earlier this year. Could divorce be imminent?

Three nights ago, some children outside of Southshore say they saw a 'scary black devil' creeping around outside of town. A search was dutifully made by the constables, but there was no evidence of any supernatural creature. The witnesses were switched for lying and sent to bed without their supper.

A pack of gleaners sifting through the rubble of Old Dalaran report they saw 'funny lights' coming from the ruined castle at the center of the nearby lake. They did not investigate, as the entire shoreline there is infested with murlocs.

Refugees near the Greymane Wall have reported hearing howling at night.

September Issue -Getting Down to Nuts and Bolts: Engineering made Fun and Easy!

by Captain Boggus Blastofferson and Mekgineer Davvi Dolittle

Hello everyone! How are you? We hope you're doing well! If you're reading this article, then, you must have an interest in building all sorts of super neat machines and gadgets to make the lives of you, your friends and family much easier and more fun! Unless, you don't like engineering and are reading it by mistake. Either way, welcome! We hope you like what you read! We're excited!

Tools: An Engineer's Best Friends!

For our first article, Captain Blastofferson and I thought we might go over some of the basic tools that every engineer from the littlest Widgets all the way up to the High Tinker needs in order to work! While specialized tools and instrumentation can be super fun and may be required to assemble higher-level schematics, EVERY engineer has to have their hammers, screwdrivers, wrenches and measuring devices. Not everyone might need an oscilloscope, spark-gap meter or nethertron detector. What we'd like to do, is share some tips for choosing high-quality tools and give some recommendations based on our own experience, so that you new engineers might be able to start out right! Our first article is sort of long, but, it's super important!

Hammers:

The hammer is the first tool ever invented! Did you know that? Ideally, hammers are used to shape metal and to carefully drive different components into place. In practice, hammers can also be used to knock stubborn bits loose, smash icky bugs and perform “percussive maintenance” too. A good engineer is going to need several hammers in a range of sizes and head-styles for use in three main hammering situations. Small hammers with flat heads are recommended for delicate adjustments, while a ball-peen, Machinist's or Blacksmith's Hammer is desirable for general use and for heavy metalworking. Of our two favorite hammers, the Jacksprackle Double-Headed™ Hammer is best for delicate work like clockwork and general tinkering, while the Otten 303™ is heavier and a tiny little bit more useful on an anvil.

Screwdrivers:

Screws are great little inventions meant to secure pieces of a machine or device to the whole by means of a threaded metal rod. Screwdrivers are tools meant to tighten and loosen screws in their holes! These tools also come in many types and sizes, such as flathead, Phillips-Head and hexhead, and a new tinker is going to want to be sure to get one of each in every size they available! For the most part, bad screwdriver sets are hard to find, so as long as you are a careful shopper, you should be okay! However, please please please do NOT buy from the Doc Driver™ line! These “screwdrivers” are made from the cheapest metal available, and can torque and snap under pressure! Also, every size they make is just the tiniest bit off, leaving you with stripped screws and bad feelings! Don't buy them!

Wrenches and Spanners:

Wrenches and Spanners are tools that are used to tighten and loosen nuts, bolts and other rotary fasteners. Generally, the nuts and bolts that wrenches and spanners are meant to work on will have a hexhead, but there are some that have pentaheads or even triangular ones too! Hexheads are the most common though, so, we recommend that your wrench set accommodate this type. Of all the sets out there, Weth and Sisson's Wrenches™ are supposedly built from the best surgical-grade steel to the highest machine tolerances available today, but also cost a great deal of money! For both beginning tinkers and long-time mekgineers who can't spend so much gold, we would suggest that they buy the Aces Spanneriffic™ set instead! They are much better than some snooty engineers claim, are sturdy and have good weight and balance. Captain Blastofferson can spin and juggle them no problem, so, you know they're good!

Gyromatic Micro and Macro-Adjusters:

The Gyromatic Micro and Macro-Adjusters are some of the modern marvels of the workshop! The natural evolution of the screwdriver and the wrench, these devices are motorized to reduce the time it takes to fasten and unfasten long screws and bolts while at the same time providing more torque and power when you need to make super sure that what your screwing in or bolting on won't come loose! But, you might say, “Boggus! Davvi! Why do I need regular screwdrivers and wrenches now, if I have the super-neat motorized versions?” and we say, “Because, although some Micro and Macro Adjusters have built-in torque gauges and safeties, it's always best to use a manual model when working with delicate components!” Of all the Micro Adjustors out there, we both agree that the Micro Naut's Adjunctor™ is the absolute best with a steady, smooth rotation, many attachments and several power settings! On the Macro-end, the Goblin-made Zizzix 570™ has lots of speed and power, but, again, don't you try to use it on anything delicate!

Pliers, Vices and Clamps:

In addition to all the tools we've mentioned already, every engineer needs a good collection of pliers, vices and clamps in order to work! The vices and clamps share the function of being able to hold whatever you're working on, to the workbench or together, and buying these won't be too difficult as long a you can recognize quality in their construction. We would suggest that some of your clamps be made of wood too, for work on things you don't want to leave tool marks on. A good pliers set will also be needed to strip wires, bend metal, reach nuts and screws fallen into hard to reach places and perform all sorts of grabbing tasks that the other tools simply can't do! As far as the pliers go, we would recommend Crocolisk Pliers™, as they use really high-grade materials, and they make every sort of pliers imaginable!

Measuring Devices:

As far as measuring devices are concerned, any engineer is going to need a number of rulers, tapes, compasses and angle-irons before they even THINK of starting a project or even drawing up a schematic! Because of the nature of measuring tools, most you find from reputable supply houses will be good enough, but beware! While Gnomish Metric, Lordaeron Royal Measure and Quel'thallasian Measure are all regulated and standardized units, things like Kaldorei Cubits and Ogre-knuckles are not, and tend to vary depending on which Night Elf community the plans were drawn up in, or how big that ogre's hand is!

Well, Captain Boggus and I both really really hope that you enjoyed our article! We really really hope that you were able to learn something, even if you're not an engineer and read this article by mistake. For today, we want to let you know that every engineer has to be able to depend on their tools, and having the proper ones to do the job is super important! If you take care of your tools, your tools will take care of you! Be well, and, enjoy the rest of this fine publication!

September Issue - Ads

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FREE TO GOOD HOME

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NOTICE: Seasonal work upcoming in Northern Arathi. Rye, wheat and barley harvests will be ready in two weeks' time. Farmhands experienced with reaping and threshing should apply to M. Besson, Stormwind. References required.

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For Honor. For One Another.

The Retribution of Arathor is seeking willing applicants to swear to the Retribution. Contact Chancellor Judeann Auroran with qualifications if interested.

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Interested in advertising with us? Give it a go! Sell a shirt, or find a date!

- Personal Ads - 5g

- Crafting Ads - 10g

- Guild Ads - 20g